


All of This

by shuwashuwishuwa



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4281852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuwashuwishuwa/pseuds/shuwashuwishuwa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another night (alone) (with her). But I'm always wanting you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All of This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Michiru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Michiru/gifts).



> written for the [yyexchange 2014](http://yyexchange.livejournal.com/10959.html). Characters are not mine.

When Ryosuke opens his eyes, he knows he's dreaming because the clock on his nightstand says 3:11 am and it's bright (he never leaves the lights on before going to bed, he's got enough of the glaring artificial incandescence and work and not being able to sleep when he's not home and he just wants it as dark as possible the short hours he's going to be resting). He also knows it's not real when he turns to his side and --of all the people, do the gods hate him-- Yuto is with him in bed, all rumpled and squinty-eyed, but nevertheless smiling at him.

"No, no, but you should really try this game," Ryosuke twists to the left and over Yuto's bedhead, he sees Yuuya sitting down on his beanbag. Chinen's by his feet on the floor, clutching at a DS, and they're talking over each other when Ryosuke clears his throat.

"Oh," dream-Chinen exclaims, "you're up. Don't mind us, we'll just be here," he gestures to the room in general, and Ryosuke raises an eyebrow.

"Good morning, Ryo-chan," Yuto's clutching at his pillow and Ryosuke notices that he's not wearing a shirt.

He blinks once, twice. "Where's your shirt," he reflexively asks, and when he looks at himself, he's very naked, too. He chances a peek under the (shared, no surprise there) blanket and well, hello, no clothes there as well. He looks at dream-Yuuya: he's wearing a white shirt that Ryosuke remembers giving to him as a present a few months back. "Yuuyan," he tries, "Yuuyan, is it okay if you get me a shirt from my drawer?"

Dream-Yuuya tilts his head at Ryosuke. "But why?"

"Yeah, why?" Yuto echoes, and Ryosuke really can't look at him right now.

"I," he stares at Yuto's hair instead. "You're naked." _I am, too,_ he wants to add, but he's hoping right now that either dream-Yuuya will get him some clothes or that by some miracle he'll manage to wake up _soon_.

Dream-Chinen's looking at him like he's something particularly very interesting. "You were the one who said it was too hot for clothes before you jumped into bed with Yutti, Ryo."

Ryosuke's so lucky his awake self isn't as strange as his dream self, if what dream-Chinen says is true. "Did I really?"

"Yup!" This Yuto sounds far too happy. "You looked really happy while taking off my clothes, too."

 _Just what in the world_ , Ryosuke thinks to himself. He starts when he hears Yuto say, "What, you don't remember last night, Ryo-chan?"

"Why are you exactly in my bed, Yuto?" He tries instead, going for charming.

"Uwa," dream-Yuuya comments. "Pervy Yamada's trying to act all innocent now."

Ryosuke bristles a little. "I'm not, I really don't remember!"

"You said it was too hot for clothes, so you and Yutti proceeded to strip each other," dream-Chinen states matter-of-factly. "And then Yutti said he felt too cold and wouldn't go to sleep unless you cuddled with him. It was actually really cute." There's a note of laughter to his voice.

Ryosuke's still trying to grasp the bizarre situation when Yuto dives under the covers, pressing up to his side. "Too cold, why's your room so cold," he whines.

He's putting an arm over Yuto when his bedroom door opens, dream-Yabu popping in. He's wearing a red apron, and Ryosuke can definitely hear the sound of someone tinkering in the kitchen.

"No inappropriate touching, you guys," dream-Yabu's staring at the pair on the bed; in the background, Ryosuke can hear the steadily increasing volume of his alarm. "Come on down, everyone. Breakfast's ready."

-

Yuto has fleeting memories of his first years as a Johnny, of blinding lights and the deafening cheers of the crowd every time he steps on the stage, all attention on him, the energy of the audience and all the other juniors a natural high that keeps him gunning for a new top with every performance. It was fun, too, sharing the stage with all these wonderful people, all of them wanting to debut so they can reach out and make more people happy with what they love to do.

Now that he's actually at the starting line, it suddenly feels much more different. Much more alone.

It's not that they're fighting per se. Things just happen when people grow older and probably meet other people; they gain different life experiences, and sometimes they grow apart. Yuto doesn't think there's any real reason to be awkward, he and Ryosuke see each other plenty at work and school anyway. But every time they are together, things are a bit off. Where there was playful banter and the bright sunshine of Ryosuke's smile, the one that Yuto learned he wanted to see every time (Yuto wanted to be the only one making Ryosuke smile like that, too), there are only polite greetings and small talk now. With every new project, the distance that wedges them apart grows bigger. And though it's personally a lesser issue for Yuto, the widening gap applies not just with him. Ryosuke seems to be distancing himself from the group; it doesn't help that there are tensions arising from the different workload among the members. It's like the more exposure he's given, the more withdrawn he becomes, no matter how professional he may act on the outside.

Ryosuke's dedication and hard-working attitude always gets Yuto pumped up for work. He's solid, thorough when it comes to responsibilities, and Yuto knows he should learn how to act accordingly from it, should learn to strive for the best with whatever opportunity he's given. He admires Ryosuke, he really does, though when it exactly started, Yuto can't tell. One day he just went to rehearsal and saw that Ryosuke was the same: soothingly affectionate laugh and kind, encouraging words, and _saw_ , and then everything was different for Yuto. Every word or movement or expression, he wanted to commit to memory, wanted to be reason behind those smiles and the recipient of those thoughtful gestures, and apparently this was love, and Yuto had fallen for Ryosuke.

And he's still the same, even when they've grown up. But where there's love and concern and affection and worry, there's also the small seed of jealousy, that tiny voice Yuto tries to shut out of his brain. Because now he tries harder, strives more than anyone and he's definitely happy for all the breaks Ryosuke has been getting, but Yuto also _wants_ , also dreams that they can stand together in all that success and do their best together and maybe, just maybe, if Ryosuke looks at him like that, he'll see Yuto as a bright star, too. Maybe if ( _when_ , Yuto tells himself) they reach the goal at the same time, Ryosuke will start to see in Yuto all the things Yuto has seen in Ryosuke all along.

-

 _'Yuto! Happy Birthday!'_ Daiki says on the other line. Yuto's got his phone squeezed between his ear and shoulder, hands full. This is the third straight match Raiya's beaten him in; he'll never live it down if his younger brother wipes his ass on the floor in freakin' _Tekken._

"Thanks, Dai-chan!" Yuto huffs, executing a jump-kick-spin-kick-kick combo to Raiya's Ling Xiaoyu. "Please take care of me from this year onwards, too."

Daiki and someone else laugh. _'So, what are you doing for your seventeenth birthday?'_

"Am I on speakerphone?" On the TV screen, Hwoarang grunts from a series of punch-kick-kick-spin-punch before he is K.O.ed. Raiya whoops in joy.

 _'Happy Birthday!'_ answer a number of voices, and then there is a general squabble of birthday wishes and promises of dinner in the upcoming week or so.

"Thank you," Yuto replies happily to the greetings, nodding when Raiya silently asks him to restart the game. "Where are you guys? And who, actually," he laughs.

It turns out Chinen, Daiki, Ryutaro and Ryosuke are staying the night at Inoo's house. _'It's a study party,'_ Ryutaro exclaims, Inoo rebutting him with _'only Takaki would believe you!'_

"Aww, you guys didn't invite me," Yuto whines jokingly. This time his character's Yoshimitsu, and Nina Williams is kicking his ass. Raiya likes playing girl characters.

 _'We know you'd like to celebrate your birthday at home better,'_ Inoo says, voice sounding a bit scratchy. _'Plus we wouldn't want you being sick on your special day.'_

 _Oh._ "One of you guys is sick? Kei-chan, are you okay?" Distracted enough, Nina sends Yoshimitsu flying towards a stack of crates. Absently, Yuto wishes for his brother to be as strong as the game characters he plays, just so he wouldn't have to be so worried all the time.

There's a bit of a shuffle on the other line. _'Hi,'_ Inoo's voice sounds nearer and much clearer now. _'I'm fine, but Yama-chan's been conked out on medicine about five minutes after we got home. He's been passed out on my bed since.'_

The corner of Yuto's lips turn down. Ryosuke was feeling a little ill at school two days ago when they last saw each other, too. The other members had probably gone out the whole day today, and now he's gotten himself sick from being too tired.

"That's too bad, I bet if Yama-chan were feeling better you would have loads more fun," Yuto says.

 _'I know,'_ Chinen sounds a little tired as well. _'Anyway, we just wanted to greet you a happy birthday. We'll celebrate properly when we all get together, okay?'_

"Hn," Yuto hums, as the 'Round 2' appears on the screen. Lucky break, it's his first win against Raiya in thirteen rounds. "See you guys later," he ends the call as Yoshimitsu delivers a killer combo to Nina.

"You're actually winning, niichan," Raiya teases, and Yuto makes a noise when Yoshimitsu's attacked by a series of moves too fast to defend against.

Yuto's phone continues to chime with the influx of birthday mails from friends and classmates. A while later, after his mom has come up to his room to greet him, and then tell them to please go to bed before one of the neighbors complain about sounds of violence being heard in their household, Yuto opens his inbox. The top most message is from Chinen, sent about fifteen minutes ago.

_Yuto, happy birthday again! ♥︎^o^♥︎^o^♥︎ don't stay up too late~ we're going to bed soon, too. Sweet dreams~（＾ω＾）（＾ω＾）_

"Niichan?" Raiya's looking at him. "Something interesting? You're smiling."

Yuto closes his phone. "No, nothing, just birthday mails. Go to bed." His brother doesn't need to know he finds a sleeping Ryosuke very cute.

"Okay," Raiya smiles, eyes half-closed. He ducks when Yuto ruffles his hair fondly. "Happy birthday, good night."

"Good night," Yuto answers, heading to his room.

He saves the photo attached to Chinen's message to his phone before he sleeps.

-

Suzuka's a very nice girl. She's thoughtful during special occasions and helps Yuto when he's behind on schoolwork and Chinen's busier so he's not available as a study buddy. She's not snobby and understands that sometimes, when Yuto talks about something so passionately, his energy and the speed of his thoughts don't quite catch up to his words-- she never scolds him; she just laughs her soft, quiet laugh and covers her mouth with a dainty hand.

It's no wonder Yuto's just a little bit enamored with her, struck with affection that sometimes he just stares at her and forgets to take notes or wipe the sweat on his forehead or put the spoonful of food in his mouth.

"Yuto-kun," she leans forward, dabbing at the side of his face with a napkin. "You're spacing out again." The napkin comes away with a bit of teriyaki sauce.

She's the calm to his boyish rambunctiousness, which makes it harder that they're only casually going out. He's flustered that they won't go the next step, even when he wants to. This is the first time Yuto's actually liked someone else since having his mental and emotional compass point at Ryosuke as his true north; the first time he's liked a girl enough that he wants to date her exclusively, and yet.

It's unfair how generous she is, unfair that she says nothing, only giving him a patient look whenever she catches Yuto watching Ryosuke and Mirai together. Right now they're at the other side of the room, talking excitedly about something, probably that movie they're about to see this Saturday.

Yuto's so lost in Ryosuke's warm smile that he starts when a fist bumps his shoulder lightly. It's Chinen, giving him a knowing look, eyebrows raised.

"Hi, Suzuka-chan," Chinen sits with them, taking a chicken finger from Yuto's bento. "Wow, this really tastes good. You're cooking Yuto's lunch now?"

"Ah, it's nothing too difficult," Suzuka does the muted version of a flail. "Yuto-kun's always eating any dish I make for him anyway."

"Cuuuuute," Chinen coos, winking at her. Yuto slaps his hand when he attempts to take an egg roll slice, too. "Eh, stingy."

"Didn't you already have lunch? I saw you going to the cafeteria with the other guys."

"Home-cooked food is always better, right?" Chinen takes an egg roll slice from Suzuka's bento instead, to Yuto's protest. "Uwa, seriously delicious. Don't spoil him too much or he'll end up not eating konbini bento when we're at work."

"Stupid," Yuto pokes him in the cheek. "Don't listen to him, Suzu. But," he waves his chopsticks in the air, smiling his toothy smile at her, "of course I'll always like your cooking best."

Suzuka smiles back at them, eyes twinkling. "That's very sweet, Yuto-kun. Thank you."

Yeah. Yuto's sense of direction is off by a mile. It's totally unfair.

-

They meet at the hospital, when everyone is accounted for as safe and the agency has sent out fax messages to the proper channels informing the public of their talents' state. Hikaru's eyes are suspiciously red and puffy, his face half-covered by a face mask. He's uncharacteristically quiet as he holds Yabu's hand in a bone-crushing grip, the older boy clutching Hikaru's phone in his other hand.

"Hey," Yuuya rushes in, face practically hidden with a beanie and a scarf, Daiki and a manager in tow. He touches Hikaru's shoulder lightly. "You guys okay?" He frowns when Yabu shakes his head no slowly and Hikaru's hand tightens his hold.

Yuto watches them quietly, counting in his head. _Four, five, Yuuyan and Daiki make six and seven._ Inoo was at university when the tremors started happening, but luckily he was able to contact one of the managers. Someone from the agency had already been sent to pick him up, but Yuto doesn't know how they'll manage to get to the hospital if they're going by car; no lights, almost all roads not passable, and a tsunami warning issued an hour ago. He starts shaking his leg out of nervous habit.

"Yuto," Keito's sitting beside him, rubbing his good arm soothingly, "I'm sure they're okay. Don't worry yourself sick," he doesn't add the _you're already hurt as it is._

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be here soon," Ryutaro's on his other side, voice a little clipped. He'd only gotten back from checking on his younger brother some ten minutes ago. They're all mostly safe, for now.

Taking out his phone, Yuto just nods a little. He'd been meaning to check on his parents and Raiya but their phones still have no network coverage. How the agency manages to have working communication lines at this scale of a disaster surprises them. "Yeah, okay," he nudges at Keito. "You should try checking on your dad again, too."

"I will, in a bit," Keito grips his hand for a moment before slowly letting go and standing up. "You want me to get you guys anything? Here, somebody else sit," he asks the older four and Yabu makes a shaken Hikaru sit down.

Yabu smiles a little at Keito, grateful. "Maybe a bottle of water, please. And another coat. Thanks, Keito." Hikaru still hasn't let go of his hand.

"Why aren't Ryo and Chii here yet?" Daiki's already sat down beside Ryutaro, leaning his elbow on the arm rest, and the moment he ask the question, Yuto tenses.

The manager's about to answer the question but Yuto beats him to it. "They said it'd be safer if they stayed at the TV Asahi studio until it was okay to travel." NYC were stuck filming for Music Station when everything shut down and evacuation orders were issued.

Everybody's quiet then until Keito returns with the water and coat, and some blankets and snacks the agency people have given him for everyone to share. Some of them hadn't eaten the whole day because of work.

"I just got word, they said Nakayama-kun, Chinen-kun and Yamada-kun are on their way now," the lights flicker and the building shakes for a moment while Keito's passing the water bottle and packets of snacks around.

Aftershock. "Shit," Hikaru swears, voice thick. He buries his head in his hands. "Shit. Shit, shit."

"It's fine, it's fine," Yabu's wrapping the coat around himself and Hikaru, arms wound around the crouching form on the bench.

Someone answers "S'not fine," and it's from the huddle of Daiki, Ryutaro and Keito, who've squeezed themselves together on one of the larger blankets. Yuuya's taken refuge with the manager under the room's lone table.

"Fuck," it sounds like Ryutaro, and his voice is wet. He looks about ready to bolt, probably to check on his brother again; most of the juniors have been placed three rooms across theirs. He'd left Shintaro with his friends, but if his little brother gets hurt...

Yuto fades out because of the panic until the little shakes stop. When he comes to, someone's lightly touching the bandage on his injured elbow; it's Yuuya.

"You were flinching a little. Is it hurting still?"

"No--" Yuto says, then cuts off as the door opens and Chinen and Ryosuke rush in, face masks on and hats jammed low on their heads, another manager with them. Chinen's returning a phone to the manager; he's probably just finished trying to contact home. His face looks like it's more bad news.

Both of them look a little roughed up, actually. More Ryosuke than Chinen.

Yuto starts, but Yabu's already standing up and giving the two boys a hug and a closer inspection each.

"Oh god, you're okay, you're both okay," he's checking for cuts or scratches on their arms, their legs, touching their chests and backs and faces as if to assure himself there are no fatal injuries. There's a particularly nasty gash on one of Ryosuke's arms, and Yabu stops when he sees it. "What's this, what happened to him," he asks the manager, voice going a little higher than he intends to.

The manager who is with them looks somber. "They're fine, and all of you have been accounted for. The doctor will be here to treat them shortly, they decided to have themselves checked over here."

"Yes, but what happened," Yabu wills the patience back into his voice, it's not the manager's fault if Ryosuke's bleeding a little, there was a national disaster, it could happen to anyone. He's got an injured shoulder himself, but that's already been treated and this--

Chinen speaks up. "I. There was an overhead light about to fall on me. Ryosuke took the hit." He looks really apologetic and worried.

Yabu's mouth thins into a line. "Yeah. Okay. Just, let's have it checked as soon as possible." He's looking at Ryosuke, who has his eyes trained on his shoes.

"The doctor will be with us as soon as he finishes with the other patients, I'm sure he'll be here immediately," Daiki agrees, then calmly asks the managers to please check if there are enough beddings for the lot of them, and to please take Ryutaro to see his younger brother before he has an angry fit. Obviously, it will be cramped with ten people sleeping in such a small space, but right now it looks like nobody's willing to leave the safety of each others' presence.

-

Hikaru and Yabu are propped up by the door, blanket on layers and layers of clothing still not enough to fight the former's shivers. His parents' house in Miyagi had been shattered by the tsunami; they were lucky one of his brothers' house was on a mountaintop and everybody had gotten there safely before the water hit, but the close call and the panic of not having any means to assure his family's safely bore down on him hard now. Hikaru closes his eyes, tries not to lean too much on Yabu's uninjured shoulder, burrowing into the covers and failing to fall asleep.

Inoo is finally with them, having arrived an hour prior. He's sharing a cup of coffee with Chinen and Ryutaro, the latter looking much better after bundling up Shintaro and demanding that he and his friends _stay put_ in another room, and _no funny business_.

"I'm blowing out the candle," Yuuya's voice comes from somewhere behind the desk, where he's sitting down with Ryosuke. The room is suddenly shrouded in darkness and Yuto buries himself under the covers, pressing close to Keito's shoulder.

"It's late," Keito carefully adjusts the blanket over Yuto's injured side, hand coming to his waist. "Go to bed," he whispers, exhausted ( _we all are_ , Yuto's mind supplies) and Yuto moves even closer, trying to leech warmth. Raiya managed to mail him earlier; he's glad at least his family's safe.

The futon beside them shifts, and that's Yuuya slipping in, softly telling the others to go to bed as well, they've had a long day, they should rest up, because nobody knows what they'll be doing come morning. Daiki's already asleep on his other side, albeit uneasy.

"Is Yama-chan okay? Where is he?"

Yuuya turns to them, and his eyes look tired even in the dim of the night. "He's still a bit shaken, but he says he'll turn in soon, too. Don't worry, just rest up, your elbow's not smarting anymore, right?" He tries to smile.

"No, I'm good," Yuto says, tries to return the smile. "Thanks for worrying, Yuuyan. You should sleep, too. Good night."

Yuuya hums his good night and closes his eyes. The others all gradually go to sleep, too, even Chinen who had spent the entire evening restlessly pacing and draining the manager's phone's battery trying to reach his house, without success. He and Ryosuke had already been bandaged up and everybody who'd had injuries were given painkillers for the evening.

An hour passes and Yuto's still staring at the unlit lightbulb on the ceiling, listening to restless shuffles and even breaths, the smallest movement catching his eye. Even Yabu's closed his eyes, but that position will do horrible things to his back and neck in the morning. When Keito turns, Yuto quietly creeps out of bed.

"Yama-chan," Yuto plops beside him, holding a spare blanket he got from the bench. Ryosuke's still behind the desk, knees drawn up to his chest and facing the open window, small wisps of smoke floating into the air.

"Hi," Ryosuke moves to put out the cigarette, but Yuto stops his hand. "You sure?"

Yuto nods, not letting go. "That's Yuuyan's, right?" He presses his back against the table, feels Ryosuke inching away to give him more space. "Don't. I'm cold."

Ryosuke takes the cigarette in his other hand, butting it out on the floor anyway. "Yeah, why're your hands freezing," he removes his hand slowly from Yuto's hold, drapes the blanket over them both. It's not much, but it'll have to do.

"You're hurt," Yuto frowns, moving to touch the bandage on Ryosuke's arm gingerly. "Why'd you take the fall for Chii?"

Ryosuke hums softly. "I dunno. I saw the stage light coming down on him and my body moved on its own. It wasn't really as horrible as Yuri made it out to be."

"But you're still hurt," Yuto says, voice soft but insistent.

His elbow smarts when Ryosuke touches it. "You are, too. That still painful? Did you take the medicine they gave us?"

"You don't always have to be looking out for everybody else," Yuto answers instead, looking at the windowsill resolutely. "I was worried. I'm still."

Ryosuke keeps quiet. Then, because Yuto won't stop shaking, "I'm sorry. If Yuri and I worried everybody."

"Does it still hurt?"

Ryosuke closes his eyes, tilts his head back. "A little. I guess," he breathes.

There's a moment of stillness, and then Yuto's pressing his lips against Ryosuke's. Not needy or urgent, but searching for comfort, for even just a little reassurance.

"Yuto," Ryosuke opens his eyes wide, and he looks so beautiful with the melancholy of the night and only the moonlight to witness them, so Yuto kisses him again.

Ryosuke kisses back, finds himself wanting and needing and _not alone_ , at least not in this moment, not right now when he can carefully hold Yuto's face in his hands and just _be_.

The kiss ends, and when they pull apart, Yuto's looking at him with that look he gives things he finds fascinating. The great thing about Yuto is that he's always full of childlike wonder, even if sometimes Ryosuke thinks Yuto only ever gets so lost in his fascinations ever so swiftly, flitting from one thing to another.

"For courage," Yuto presses a last chaste kiss to Ryosuke's mouth, cheeks a little flushed. _If I'm here, you'll never have to be alone, you'll not need to hurt,_ and then he's laying his head on Ryosuke's lap, eyes closed and head pillowed in his hands; after a few minutes, his breaths even out.

Ryosuke places his good arm around Yuto's chest where he can hold his hand, the other carding fingers through the taller boy's soft, brown hair.

-

The tide subsides, and they all have to start moving forward again. Yuto doesn't ever talk about that night, doesn't ask why when he woke up the next morning, Ryosuke was already in another room, being called into a meeting with NYC about spearheading some kind of charity project with all of Johnny's family. Their little moment never gets brought up after there are initial glances between the two of them when Ryosuke and Chinen come back from the meeting, and Yuto sees that at least there aren't such deep eye bags in Ryosuke's eyes.

He's glad to have confirmed Suzuka's safety, too--she's had her manager send Yuto a message first thing this morning, and Yuto had breathed a small sigh of relief.

Things slowly go back to normal, with them and the group and the whole agency, the whole country in a proverbial tale of rising up from the ashes. Yuto tries to move forward, because even after the storm, if they're still alive, that must mean they're fated to go on.

-

"Huh. So, listen to this." Yuto's waving his phone in everyone's general direction. "I may have just gotten dumped."

"By Suzuka-chan?" It's Chinen, squinting at his phone. He's forgotten to wear his contacts today.

Yuto frowns a little. "No, by our teacher. Yes, of course, by Suzu. Who've I been dating for almost a year now?" He doesn't look too distressed for someone who just got his heart broken.

His phone gets passed around by the members. It's a mail, _I went out on a date today! It was really fun. Hope it's okay with you and that we can still stay good friends, Yuto-kun. I'll message you when your schedule clears up, okay? See you soon~♥︎._ It seems almost too cheerful for a break-up mail, except Yuto can't really be mad because he _knows_ that Suzuka knows how confused he's been even as they were going out. Also, he can't get angry when the attached photos have a very happy Suzuka who apparently went out on a karaoke date. She looks very charming in the purikura booth pics with her new boyfriend, all dolled up.

There's a low whistle coming from Yuuya, followed by a consoling clap on the back.

"Tough luck," Yabu is saying, eyes kind and smile comforting. "Maybe it'll go better next time."

Hikaru's nodding his head. "If you want, I'm going to a group date this weekend. College girls. I can squeeze you in for another seat. Or," he stops making suggestive motions with his eyebrows when he sees Yabu giving him a pointed look. "Or, never mind. Pretend I never said that."

"I'm okay, guys, thanks," Yuto waves off the remarks. He actually doesn't feel bad, just a little relieved. He doesn't know what that says about his character as a boyfriend, though. Keito returns his phone together with an understanding smile.

"College girls, really. Where do you even find those," Yuuya snorts, flipping a page on his magazine. "And more importantly, why aren't you inviting _me_ instead?"

Chinen walks to the other side of the dressing room, setting his coffee cup on the table. "Next time will definitely be better, Yutti," he sits on the make-up chair, hand already reaching for the hair dryer. He looks at Ryosuke through the mirror. "Don't you think so, too?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ryosuke's suddenly more interested in memorizing his lines for their upcoming drama.

Yuto doesn't take their comments to heart. All he thinks, all he honestly feels, is that maybe he wasn't being too subtle about liking Ryosuke all this time, and Suzuka, like always, is so generous. This is the most gracious out that she will give him, and he can't be anything but grateful.

-

"Hey," Ryosuke catches up to him just as Yuto's about to leave. It's just the two of them shooting scenes for the drama today, so no agency cars or whatnot.

"Yama-chan," Yuto slings his bag over his shoulder, jamming a cap on his head. "Good work today. You need me for anything?"

Ryosuke tries not to look at him. "No. I mean," he shakes his head. "You okay? With, you know."

"With?"

Ryosuke clears his throat. "The other day. With Ohgo-chan."

 _Oh._ "Yeah," Yuto shifts on his feet, voice a little quieter. "We're--we're actually meeting up after this. To talk. About stuff."

Ryosuke nods. _Well shit,_ he was going to ask Yuto out for dinner, too. Especially after that particular phone call with Chinen the other day. 'Look, Ryo. If you like Yutti so much that you think it's going to affect the drama filming, just talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll understand.'

Ryosuke's pretty sure Yuto _would_ understand, would be considerate enough to ask what Ryosuke would want him to do to make things easier for both of them. He'd really much rather not have a repeat of those four or so years when things started getting weird and silent and _civil_ between them. They'd just started hanging out again and talking more recently, too. But it seems luck is not on Ryosuke's side tonight, either.

"Ryo-chan? Is there anything?" Yuto's presently waving a hand in front of him. "Sorry, I really have to go. I'm already running late and--"

Ryosuke doesn't think, just pulls down on Yuto's shirt and kisses him on the mouth. It's sudden and a bit messy, with the added bonus of Ryosuke being a little insistent with his kiss.

"I," Yuto blinks hard twice when it ends, tries to straighten his shirt where Ryosuke's hands have gripped and crumpled the fabric. "I. Uh. Yama-chan. Um."

Ryosuke thinks hard of something to say. "For courage," he comes up with Yuto's own words, short and straight-forward. "I. Yeah. I hope things go well tonight. And be safe. Um. Careful. Yeah."

Yuto nods, dazed. "Okay. I have to. I've got to go."

Ryosuke nervously puts a hand in his hair. "Yeah. Okay. See you tomorrow."

-

 _'Well, that's definitely not talking about the issue at hand, is it,'_ Mirai's voice is even smaller over the phone.

Ryosuke huffs. He totally knows that. "Don't start. I didn't call for a lecture."

Mirai lets out a 'ha', and Ryosuke has to remove the phone from his ear for a moment. _'And? Why'd you call, then?'_

"You're a girl," he faceplants on his bed, work clothes still on. "And I know you. Evil overlord or something. You know things. _A lot of things_."

 _'Definitely 'or something','_ she snorts. _'Well. Apparently it_ was _very amicable. She didn't like the low-profile dating. Ugh, idols.'_

But if she's already been in the business as long as they have, she'd know that relationships in stealth were _always_ part of the deal. "You're an idol, too, mind you," Ryosuke says instead.

 _'Nope. Actress here, excuse you. And,'_ she pauses for dramatic effect, _'well, there was someone else.'_

_What?_

"Wait. A third party?" But it didn't look like either of them had cheated whatsoever, at least not until the mail a few days ago.

Mirai sighs, like she's talking to a kid. _'Yes. Suzuka-chan had known about it for a while now. Nakajima-kun really didn't tell you anything? She says he's liked this person for a long time, way before he and Suzuka-chan ever started going out.'_

Now there's a surprise. Ryosuke rolls in bed so he's now looking up at the ceiling. "I. No, he never told me about that." He could probably ask Chinen. Then again, that would involve telling Chinen why he was in such an awkward predicament exactly, and no. That doesn't sound like a plan at all.

 _'So,'_ she asks, a little impatient. _'What are you planning to do now? You know I didn't give up on liking Nakajima-kun just so you could chicken out of this.'_

Ryosuke gulps. "You got on to that? Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

 _'Eh. To be fair, you were being painfully obvious.'_ Ryosuke thanks his lucky stars that Mirai has stayed his good friend, with all the speed dating sessions he'd booked for her all throughout highschool. _'And so? What's your next step?'_

"I don't know, Mirai. I honestly just don't."

_'Well you better figure it out sooner rather than later. If you don't set things straight, I'm going to every single one of your ex-girlfriends to tell them the only reason you ever went out with any of them was because they reminded you of Yuto-kun.'_

"Hey!" Ryosuke protests, but she's already hung up.

-

Filming for the rest of the drama doesn't get too bumpy after their incident, and Ryosuke thanks the gods because even with the unspoken tension in the air, he and Yuto have been in the field long enough to know how to act professionally. Work stays work, and unexpected kisses without proper explanations, well. Those things are pushed back to the 'things to probably talk about only in therapy' box.

Yuto smiles up excitedly at him when the cameras are rolling, and Ryosuke perfects the choreography for JUMP's new song. It's for their drama, so of course it has a lot of fanservice between the two of them. Whenever they perform Super Delicate in music shows and he and Yuto have to get all in each other's faces passionately, Ryosuke focuses all his energy into 'work mode' so he doesn't get the urge to jump Yuto's bones, to tell him embarrassingly sappy lines or probably steal another unwarranted kiss or two.

Nobody from the group notices anything amiss, so he figures they're doing a good job of being 'friends' again. The fans eat it all up, too, screams and excited faces whenever their duet comes up. Ryosuke has to chant "it's all for them" over and over _and over_ in his head because he doesn't know how to say it, even with Yuto and him getting slowly closer again as they get older; he's not going to admit so easily that it's enough being by Yuto's side, even under the pretense of work. It's something small but if it's what he can get, Ryosuke will take it willingly and be happy.

-

In the end, though, curiosity still wins over; he simply can't let it go, especially with Yuto being so friendly towards literally everybody including him in the past months. They've even hung out to shop or eat out every two or so weeks, but the niggling feeling won't leave the back of his mind.

It takes half a year before Ryosuke _does_ end up asking Chinen, who thankfully doesn't know anything as well, but unfortunately now has ammunition to tease Ryosuke with. "Maybe you should try someone who hits closer to home," he suggests.

Ryosuke raises an eyebrow. He's not going to ask Raiya about his older brother's love life.

"Stupid, I didn't mean him," Chinen hits him lightly on the shoulder. "I meant _him,_ " he gestures at Keito, who has his headphones on and is strumming lightly on his guitar at a corner.

Ryosuke gives him a look. "But," he starts, then doesn't know how to finish that sentence. _Don't they have some sort of a thing going on, too?_ Ryosuke wants to say, not that he's uncomfortable about that or going to get all judgmental on Keito because who was he to talk, really. Just. What if it were Keito, the one Mirai was talking about. Did he know? Is it technically okay to ask? Or was he going to be opening a can of worms with that topic. It would be a really weird conversation, and Ryosuke avoids 'weird' if he possibly can.

Chinen smiles up at him, encouraging. "Look. You're here, he's there, and Keito's nice. He's not going to bite you. Probably. Maybe." He gives Ryosuke a little push forward and then leaves the dressing room.

Reluctantly, Ryosuke walks over to Keito. "Uh," he taps Keito on the back for a lack of anything to say. "Hi, mind if I sit?"

Keito takes off his headphones. "No, it's okay," he smiles and Ryosuke's nervousness eases. "What's up?"

 _Better to get it over with sooner._ "Uh. About--it's about Yuto, actually."

"Yes?"

"I heard from a friend that he likes someone." Ryosuke pauses. "Someone not Ohgo-chan."

Keito shifts a little. "Yes?"

Right. "Do you know who?" He adds when Keito looks a little nervous, suddenly. "Just an honestly curious question."

"I do," Keito looks uncomfortable with the direction of this talk. "But, Ryosuke-kun. I think, maybe you should ask Yuto about it, and not me."

 _Oh, to hell with it all._ "Is it you, Keito-kun?"

"What?" And Keito just looks genuinely confused now.

Ryosuke takes a deep breath. "That is, I mean. Are you the one Yuto likes? You are--dating?"

Keito lets out a laugh at that. "I. No. Why would you think that?"

"Well, you know," Ryosuke shrugs. "You've been awfully close for some time now. And Yuto..."

Yuto is overly affectionate with people he likes. He has no shame or brain-to-mouth filter when it comes to praising his respected seniors and good friends, just as he won't mince his words when reprimanding those whom he loves out of concern and worry. Now that Ryosuke continues to think about it, it's entirely possible it could be someone else, actually; Yuto has a lot of people he considers very important.

Which would bring Ryosuke back to square one.

"Ryosuke-kun," Keito calls him back to attention, hand on his knee, comforting. "I guess. I really like Yuto. He's kind, and nice, and it's always enjoyable to be around him. I think it's a shame if people aren't drawn to him because of that."

And Ryosuke has to agree with all of this. He's witnessed firsthand Yuto's childlike heart and attitude, his trust in people which seems to go on seemingly forever, the way people are enamored with the way he doles out affection and emanates warmth. These are all the things that drew him to Yuto, after all.

"But I think, out of everyone Yuto's ever liked and been close to," Keito continues, looking wistful, "don't you think he's always had a soft spot for you?"

The surprise in Ryosuke's voice when he says, "me?" is evident. Keito only nods, smiling.

"You've always been a very, very special existence to him. For a very long time now."

-

Chinen turns twenty, and all of 7 go out for celebratory drinks legally. It's just the right amount of chill for an autumn night, and Yuto's had one too many beers. With Chinen and Keito talking animatedly across them, Yuto turns to his right and sees Ryosuke smiling fondly at him.

"Hmmm?" he asks quietly, tilting his head to one side.

Ryosuke takes a napkin and wipes it at Yuto's mouth. "Beer foam," he shakes his head, smile still in place. "Remember none of us can drive home, Keito's been drinking, too."

"I'll behave myself, then," Yuto rests his elbows on the table. "Or maybe Ryosuke can take me home, since you've moved now and all."

The offer is very tempting, but beer. And conversations that are much better to be had when sober. "Taxi tonight, for all of us," he says to their table in particular.

"Eh, what was that?" Chinen's asking, cheeks also a little red from the alcohol.

Yuto shakes his head. "No. We were talking about something else, Chii." He thinks hard, eyebrows scrunching together in concentration and even that has Ryosuke smiling. "Ah, I remember. Ryosuke was looking at me," Yuto points at him, "like that. He was smiling. I was asking why." Yuto grins then, looking very proud that he remembered what he wanted to say.

"Really," Chinen looks interested now; Keito, too. "So why were you looking at Yutti, Ryo?" Suddenly the small blush on Ryosuke has nothing to do with the amount of beer he's drunk so far. If anything he's suddenly become more sober.

"It's nothing," Ryosuke starts. "I was just remembering. How we used to be kids and all close. And then a lot of things happened too fast, with debut and work, we kind of grew up too fast, all of us." He smirks at Chinen, "well, most of us anyway."

"Hey, that's definitely an exaggeration," Chinen's beer sloshes around dangerously when he answers and Keito has to steady his hands. "I'd like to say I'm actually the most mature out of us four."

Keito just hums in agreement. "Everyone was really nice to me when I had a hard time adjusting. And I had my awkward phase for a few years, at least."

Yuto shakes his head rather enthusiastically. "No, no, that's totally not true. You were really cool back then." He turns to Ryosuke. "Remember, Yama-chan, I told you, right? I said Keito was awesome and brave because we were all like senpai to him, but he still wanted to continue being an idol and even if he won't be able to catch up on our experiences," then Yuto cuts himself off with a hiccup.

Chinen laughs at that, Ryosuke and Keito smiling, too; the latter hands a tissue to Yuto.

"As I was saying," Yuto's pouting now, miffed at being interrupted. "Keito was really cool, even back then. And even more so now, he's actually caught up to us all and wow," he pauses, giving Keito a good once over. "Really cool. Amazing!"

Ryosuke nods his head. "Yeah. I remember all of that. I was kind of jealous back then, too," he admits wistfully now, tongue loosened a little by the alcohol. "Suddenly this person who was supposed to be my best friend kept on going and going and going about some new guy." And everybody knew that once Yuto started talking, he would be really hard to stop.

"Eh, that kind of thing happened?" Chinen muses, eyes already half-closed. He's leaning dangerously towards Keito now.

Embarrassed, Keito looks at Ryosuke. "Sorry I took your best friend away?" They both look at Yuto, who is smiling toothily and eagerly observing him both. "To be honest, you can have him back," Keito jokes. "I don't think I'm able to handle his brand of energy for much longer."

"Hmp," Yuto makes a face, and it's funny because he's almost a mutinous red now, it shouldn't look so cute on someone his height but it still is. "See if I ever smother you with praises ever again. It's good Yama-chan decided to still keep me all these years, I'm lucky."

Ryosuke chuckles, so thankful that things have started finally falling into place now. Maybe they really just needed time to grow up and figure things out. "Aren't I the one who's lucky because I have you," he mumbles so that nobody but Yuto gets to hear.

The conversation flows normally between the four of them after that, but from time to time Yuto catches Ryosuke looking at him, all soft and thoughtful. He's been noticing Ryosuke doing that a lot lately as well, even when they're out with other members. A quiet look, a small smile, light touches to his arms or shoulders; just small gestures that sometimes makes him the good kind of nervous and anticipating. Yuto's always one for big displays of affection, and he knows Ryosuke is not--he's methodical, likes to plan even the smallest things, makes a habit to mull thoughts in his head over and over again. It does warm things to Yuto's insides, butterflies in his stomach and all that, but it's okay, because it's Ryosuke, and Yuto meant every word when he said he was lucky to have Ryosuke stick around. Maybe one day he'll finally get over all his reservations and just tell him the truth. Maybe this time, Ryosuke's started to see that Yuto's wanted to be his brightest star all along.

*

Looking back, their heart-to-heart is really anti-climactic. It's in the simplest of ways that they come together, in true JUMP fashion, Yuuya conspiring with Daiki and Keito of all people to get them alone by the hotel rooftop. By this time, Yuto's _finally_ caught on, and he just wants to have all the awkwardness out of the way because he's wanted this for so long now.

Ryosuke's got other plans, though. "Wait," he pauses, having nothing else to do or say. He ends up sitting on the bench beside Yuto. "I was gonna have dinner ready. And flowers. Like. On your birthday."

Yuto scrunches his nose. _Adorable_ , Ryosuke's brain supplies. "It's really kind of not necessary, now. And I'm allergic to pollen, remember?"

Oh, right. "But I had a plan. You can't derail my plan, it's a really good one," Ryosuke appeals. "Also. It's the thought that counts. Totally."

"I kind of--liked you for a long time already, Yama-chan," Yuto says, and just, what the hell, he isn't supposed to be shy about this. Yuto's the most unreserved person Ryosuke knows. During tours, he literally _takes off any and all clothing articles in dressing rooms_ without regard for everyone else staring at him, be it group members or staff. This is totally fact. So yes, that pensive smile and blush really just has no place in his being whatsoever and Ryosuke is _floored._

He's not going to be awkward about this, and he has a lot to actually say, like _'well why didn't you say so instead of all those mixed signals'_ or _'is it entirely too fast if we skip the properly dating part and go ahead to doing less innocent things'_ or how Yuto actually looks nice, waiting for his reply and a little embarrassed. Ryosuke would like to know the list of things he needs to do to keep Yuto on his toes like this all the time. He'd probably not have enough space to fit that list in a piece of paper. Maybe he'd need a book.

"Yama-chan, uhm--" he stammers when Ryosuke suddenly holds his hand, the one that's silently tapping to a beat to ease Yuto's nerves except now he's stopped because--yeah, hand-holding. Right.

"We're going to be _perfectly normal_ about this." Ryosuke clears his throat, tries to looks at Yuto. "I've liked you for a really long time, too. Like, a really, _really_ long time. Okay?"

"Okay," Yuto answers slowly, like he can't comprehend that Ryosuke has been not-pining for him since he could fit inside a bag and had the confidence to demonstrate it on TV. "Okay. But. How long? And," he pauses, looks unsure, then continues, "uh, Shida-chan?"

Ryosuke raises an eyebrow. "She is?"

Yuto gestures with the hand Ryosuke isn't holding. "Aren't you...?" He cuts off, a little confused. Ryosuke looks confused, too. "Together? Chii said before, and that looked legit, and she's really cool. I like her a lot? But, obviously not how I _like_ you. So."

"That's--" Ryosuke scratches at the back of his neck, "that's, well. She, uh. Likes you, too. Liked, actually. A lot. I was mostly just trying to set her up with other guys so she wouldn't get stuck on you."

"What."

Ryosuke makes a face. "Eh. I didn't want her to kick my ass once she found out why I was having her go on dates all the time. She packs a punch."

Yuto smiles, examining their joined hands. "Wow, you must like me a whole lot, huh? She's like, one of your best friends."

"She actually figured it out, you know," Ryosuke answers, but he's smiling, too. "She said she'd never let me live it down if I didn't do right with you."

Yuto laughs at that, and if Ryosuke could, he'd definitely want to freeze that moment as well.

"It's a good thing we've cleared things up, then, huh?" Yuto is saying, and Ryosuke thinks living in the now, always, just like this is an infinitely better option than just snapshots and frozen memories.

"It definitely is," Ryosuke answers, kissing Yuto, and everything feels right.

-

It's far too early to be awake, and he's _tired,_ damn it, but Ryosuke's eyes squint open anyway to find a very naked back view of Yuto by the door, adorable blond bedhead and hickeys all over his nape and back. He's making not-so-hushed whispers to someone outside their hotel room.

"No, but--" Yuto's saying, and then he's being cut off by a thud and several grunts that sound suspiciously like Yuuya and Hikaru.

"So," and that's Keito, who for some reason decided of all days to not have an indoor voice this morning. "Can we take just a little peek?"

And while Ryosuke can't see the small flush work its way up Yuto's face, he can definitely see Yuto fidgeting with the blanket that's covering him from their other bandmates. Someone outside tugs on the blanket and--

"Hey--!" Yuto pulls, covering himself up. "Shhh. Don't, Ryo-chan's still sleeping."

"And naked," that's Chinen, who doesn't even hide his snort. It looks like he's still pulling at Yuto's blanket, if the distressed movements Yuto is making is to be judged. Ryosuke smiles a little. "Don't tire yourselves out too much, we have another show today."

Yuto continues to make unintelligible noises much to everyone else's amusement, and Ryosuke closes his eyes, content. "Just shoo, all of you," Yuto whines, closing the door in the face of Chinen's laughter.

Ryosuke can hear footsteps coming nearer, Yuto tiptoe-ing so he doesn't wake Ryosuke up. The bed dips when Yuto sits on his side of the bed, hands softly touching Ryosuke's hair.

"Can't even give us a little bit of privacy," Yuto's pouting, but his fingers are dancing on Ryosuke's forehead, the bridge of his nose, his cheeks and jaw. "I should at least get to keep this view to myself for a few more weeks, right?"

Then there's a press of lips against Ryosuke's chapped ones, and he smells a waft of mint. Yuto's been up for a while. Another kiss, still as chaste, but this time a bit longer.

"I've been awake for five minutes now," Ryosuke says when the kiss ends, eyes open and smiling, and he laughs when Yuto startles and falls off the bed in an embarrassed heap of surprise.

Today is going to be a good day.


End file.
